Employable

For the last three and a half months I have been temping as a Purchasing Clerk for a local business. Due to a long-term disability, the old Purchasing Clerk has announced that she may not be able to return to work. Therefore, a vacancy in this position is imminent. At first I was excited as I anticipated possibly occupying this job permanently.

Then I was told by upper management that I would not be eligible for the position because they wanted to offer it to already established employees first before opening it up to outside persons. I was crushed. I love this job, and I'm very good at it. My boss is incredible, probably the best I've ever had. Plus, I have an office. All of my life I've had a cubicle or simply a desk, but no walls, door, ceiling, etc. But there are several other personnel who have lurched jealously in the wings for this position as well, so the likelihood of no one applying for the lateral transition is slim.

Knowing this, I decided to set my sights on one of the other positions that would likely become available after their moves were complete. I resolved to enjoy the last few weeks in this position and take what's left over.

Then, along came another job opportunity at a sister plant of the company I am currently trying to get to hire me. So I applied. On Thursday I went to an interview and did some aptitude testing. I felt very comfortable in the interview. Our conversation began with a mutual love of Mountain Dew (he had an ice cold, unopened Dew sitting on his desk throughout the interview.) My prospective boss "slipped" several times during the 45 minutes interview by saying something like "you won't have a problem working with ... I mean, if I hire you, you wouldn't have a problem..." When I went in for the testing, I was a little nervous. I haven't done similar aptitude tests since high school and I know I am a little weak in the test-taking area. However, after completing the first four tests of an eight test series, I was told by the test administrator that I could probably quit right then because I'd already surpassed all of the other applicants as well as her own personal score. That made me fairly confident that I'd get the job. As I left the building the girl at the front desk told me she was sure she'd see me again for a second interview.

I was driving back to the other job in deep thought. Although I knew I'd aced the interview and the tests, I was unsettled. I couldn't put my finger on it and it was making me crazy. When I got back to work, I asked my boss if I could go to lunch with him and his pals because I hadn't eaten all day (too nervous.) During lunch my spirits were high despite the difficult decision I had ahead of me, but I noticed that my boss said very little and seemed worried and glum.

When we got back to the office, we met to finish up some work we had put on hold for my interview. I ignored all instincts to shut up and flat out asked him what was wrong because he seemed out-of-sorts compared to his usually easy-going self. He looked at me with restraint like he was about to pour out his frustrations. Then he just sighed and said, "I can't do anything about this. I want you to stay here, but I have no say in what happens with this position. It's a difficult situation for both of us." Then he hung his head, shook it off, and started in with business again. I just shook my head. He had voiced exactly what I'd been feeling all month. It isn't fair. I can't figure out why they won't just offer me a job doing something else so that I can try for this job when it opens up. I know I'm the best person qualified for this job and my boss and I make a great, productive team; but office politics will prevail, I'm sure.

As for the other job, I went back to my temporary office and thought for a while. I finally decided that, if offered the other job, I'd likely turn it down and hold out for what may be left over here. It's a risk because after it's all said and done, I may not have a job at all. But after I made my decision, I felt so much better. the worst that could happen is that I may end up back at the grocery store at nights and home by day with my kids. That's not so bad, I guess. But for now, I'm sticking with my gut feeling on this one. Foolish? Maybe. But the rewards for waiting might be great, and it's worth the gamble, I feel.

Wish me luck. For now, I'm going to put it all behind me and try to enjoy what's left, however brief that may be. Playing chicken with my future, I suppose.